Many people know little about their partner’s feelings, and some have never explored their partner’s body. The therapists invite the couple to begin this exploration privately. One partner touches, fondles, massages, or caresses the other partner’s body to try and find what is most stimulating and pleasurable. In the first sessions they are not permitted to touch each other’s genital area or breasts. The objective of these sessions is to pleasure the partner and to find and focus his or her mind on pleasurable sensations. This ‘sensate focusing’ is performed to enable the couple to relax in each other’s company, unimpeded by the threat of interruption or the anxiety of sexual failure. It is designed to remind the couple that sexuality is not just a genital connection. Sexuality is, in addition, stimulation of touch and all the other senses. In our culture, and in most others, affection, warmth, love, devotion, and desire are expressed by touch as well as words.
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